Me and a Beluga whale. I'm on the right.I was born and raised in the Bay Area, hence the highly developed sense of entitlement, obsession with all things Steve Jobs, and drunken--err, wine appreciation.
In my last year of high school, just weeks after my father had died of a heart attack, a civics teacher told me I wasn’t going to pass his class and would therefore not have enough credits to graduate. I screamed “Then fuck you -- I’m outta here!” and stormed out of the classroom to riotous applause (what can I say -- Dallas, Dynasty, and Falcon Crest were all on TV at this time. He’s lucky I didn’t bitch slap him first). I walked straight to a pay phone (these were public phone boxes people used to put dimes in to rent) and called UC Irvine, the only school I had applied to, to ask how my application was coming. The goddess on the other end said “Congratulations, you got in by examination alone. Your acceptance letter is in the mail.”
Thus, during my high school graduation I was literally shopping at the Gap. And that is strikingly indicative of how my life has gone since.
Paul & Patti SueAfter my non-graduation, I married my high school sweetheart, Patti Sue, and we moved to Temecula, CA. OK I’m totally lying about that, but how cute do Patti Sue and I look in this picture? This was us at her wedding. I was just the adorable gay friend.
I went through 5 majors at UC Irvine, and somehow became a champion at the beer drinking game Quarters. Since I never had to drink and everyone else did, this usually meant that I could force everyone at a given party to pass out. I somehow had the nickname “Animal,” like some kind of frathouse movie cliché.
UC Irvine was made up of mostly Asians studying biology and chemistry. I knew this because most weekends I spent on my knees throwing up on the lawn and staring up at all the windows of a dorm filled with studious Asians. It was like a chocolate advent calendar, but with Asians instead of chocolate.
I did a year abroad in Paris, Lausanne, and Florence, learning French and Italian, and returned a multi-lingual, condescending prick to all the lowly Americans whose only tongue was English. To ensure that the world knew I was gay and that I would never have to endure the security of a real job, I finally landed on Drama as a major. A drama major opened so many doors for me... all of them at temp agencies.
Wow this quick bio has become tiresome and I’m only at 1987. Let’s skip to 1996.
Fell in love with Sam. We started a national magazine together called HERO, and enjoyed success and major press coverage by surfing the mainstreaming of gay media for 4 years. Magazine expert Samir Husni called HERO "One of the most notable launches of 1998" alongside heavy-hitting mainstream players like Code, Talk, and Ebay, and HERO was the first gay magazine to be "highly recommended" by the Library Journal. Unfortunately, the events of 9/11 killed our venture capital at a time we needed it to expand and continue. We decided to close the magazine and soon after the relationship, but remain best friends to this day.
After HERO I took a job at Pallotta Teamworks, with my friend Dan Pallotta, who created the highly successful AIDS Rides. I was honored to have led the first African AIDSTrek, a week-long fundraising trek outside Cape Town, South Africa which netted more than a million dollars for 3 American AIDS research organizations as well as local charities in South Africa.
In 2007 I was best man at Sam’s wedding to Bronson. No, it wasn’t weird. Bronsam remain two of my favorite people in the world. All of my best friends are now happy couples with Brangelina names. Bronsam. Todney. Robanda. Samilona. Robaura. Exhausting.
Romeo - my favorite thing in life.Now I’m single, just moved to Oakland, and am ready to settle down myself. And while I wait for Mr. Right to come my way, I’m traveling the world and writing about it for all you lovely people out there in the dark.
Oh and I like hummus, dogs, and reality TV. And my last meal on earth would be ostrich tacos and margaritas at El Coyote.
And SCENE.
